The Death of Cold DMs
“Stop sending ‘Can I pick your brain?’ messages to strangers on socials media. It’s the fastest way to get ignored.
In 2026, everyone’s ‘brain’ is tired, and a cold DM feels like adding one more chore to their to-do list.”
We’ve all been told to “network” so we go to LinkedIn, find someone with a job we want, and send a message: “Hi, I’m looking for a role in your industry. Can we chat for 15 minutes?”
To you, it’s a small request. To them, it’s a “blind date” with a stranger who wants something. Most people are generous, but they are also busy. When you ask to “pick their brain” you’re asking them to do the emotional labor of figuring out how to help you.
Networking isn’t about asking for a seat at the table; it’s about bringing a folding chair and sitting nearby until someone notices you have something to say.
Switch from “Cold Asking” to “Warm Noticing.” You want to be a familiar face before you ever ask for a favor.
Try the “3-2-1 Strategy” this week:
- 3 Likes: Find three people in your target industry. Like their posts. It sounds small, but your name will start appearing in their notifications.
- 2 Meaningful Comments: Don’t just say “Great post!” say something specific. “I loved what you said about [Topic]. In my experience at [Old Job], we found that [Specific Detail] really made a difference too.”
- 1 Low-Stakes Question: After a week of interacting, send a DM that is a question, not a request.
- Instead of: “Can we talk?”
- Try: “I saw you transitioned from [Field A] to [Field B]. If you had to pick just one skill that helped you the most, what was it? No need for a long reply!”
Find one person who has the job you want. Look at their last post. Leave a comment that proves you actually read it and have a thought about it.
Networking isn’t a transaction; it’s a relationship.
Build the bridge before you try to walk across it.
#CareerTips #Networking #WarmConnections #BridgeBuilding #Commenting #BeAGoodHuman
Tolu Ojewunmi1 Comment
Most people approach networking with urgency, but relationships don’t work on urgency, they work on familiarity and value.
The shift from asking to noticing is powerful. When you consistently show up, engage thoughtfully, and add perspective, you remove the pressure from the other person to “figure you out.” By the time you reach out, you’re no longer a stranger. You’re someone they’ve already seen, even if briefly. That changes everything.
